The Misadventures of Raising Magical Children
by stargazerlilith
Summary: A series of one-shots centered around Harry and Severus raising their children. Will be updated randomly.
1. He Dared Me!

He dared me!

Summary: Severus is away and the children are home on Holiday. What could possibly go wrong?

Just a quick note: Just a little foray into parenting... I hope you enjoy!  
Side note- I do not own these lovely characters.  
Kudos and comments are always appreciated.

Harry gritted his teeth as the voices outside his study rose in volume. _By Merlin, he would finish this damn chapter for his book tonight. He had a deadline to meet. Deadlines don't wait for school holidays or the antics of children. Some days, he was just done adulting._

He sighed rubbing his eyes in weariness, before he picked up his quill and began to write again. He had almost finished when a resounding crash echoed throughout the house causing ink to spill all over his desk. Harry growled and push his back so hard that it toppled over. He stalked out of his study to the sight of the crash.

'The Crash' was a _bloody fucking_ giant water slide in the middle of the drawing room. Harry groaned and dragged his hand down his face dramatically. _Just fucking perfect._ He used a sonorous charm to call all of his children down who were mysteriously missing.

He really wished his husband was home. _One bloody look- and proof- magically behaved children. Well... maybe more reserved in their pranks. But- no - a fucking potions convention had spirited him off._

The sound of thundering feet had stopped and his beautiful children looked at him with feigned innocence. He knew better. He bet his wand that most of them would end up in Slytherin.

Harry glowered at his children- doing his best to impression of his husband- and lowered his voice an octave. "And why pray tell is there a water amusement park in our drawing room?"

"Daddy, Prongs wanted to play in the water….," his daughter Lily whined shuffling her feet and twirling her reddish hair. She had inherited her grandmother's looks, but she was one hundred percent Severus' daughter.

"The dog… wanted to play in water…" Harry muttered frowning down at his daughter.

"That's right, daddy," William countered, "it was for the dog...not uh uh ...cause...of a uh uh..ouch… That hurt Ethan."

"Hush, William, you're gonna get us in trouble," Ethan growled making sure to elbow his brother in his stomach again.

Harry sighed and held the bridge of his nose before giving William "the look". The look that every parent gives their child that they know will break them and in about... five… four...three...two...one…

"Lils dared Ethan to do it Daddy! I had nothing to do with it!" William stuttered shaking his head vigorously.

"WILLIAM!"

"You're such a tattletale."

"I'm not."

"Are so."

"I can't believe you told, Daddy! See if I let you help me again!"

"I didn't think you actually use the spell!"

Harry just shook his head and watched the three of them bicker back and forth. He knew the perfect punishment for all three of them, and tried not to smirk.

"Enough! As punishment, you will not go the Quidditch match with Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione this weekend. Furthermore, you will figure out how to dismantle this," Harry bellowed gesturing towards the water slide, " _without the use of magic_ ".

Their collective inhaled breath spurred Harry to continue before they could utter a word, "and you will explain this to your father when arrives home. Now, I am going to finish this chapter and the three of you will behave. Do you understand?"

He watched them nod their heads dejectedly before he left to their task. Closing the door to his study, he let out a sigh as he sat down in his chair. Only five more days until his Severus returns home. He could do this…


	2. He Started It!

AN: Hello All! Sorry, I've been quiet lately. It's been a wild year for me. Just to let everyone know I have an account on the same psued on AO3 that I do update more frequently. A lot of stories are about to get updated! ^_^ So anyway, here is the second adventure! Enjoy!

* * *

He Started it!

* * *

Harry moaned in frustration. All he wanted to do was to have a nice quiet day with his children. He thought today would be that day!

 _Boy, was he wrong._

He had a successful morning. He had finished his book and owled his editor the manuscript. Leaving Harry the rest of the day to enjoy his family.

Harry had traipsed down the stairs to see his 'angels' finishing their breakfast that Kreacher had prepared for them. Kreacher was muttering his usual about ' _masters working too hards, not eating like they shoulds, nasty brats eating all Kreacher's hards works_ '. Kreacher would never admit to it, but he enjoyed when William and Ethan were home from Hogwarts.

Harry had figured- 'what the heck'- he try his luck and show his children a muggle zoo. Just a normal family outing...well most of the family. Unfortunately, Severus had been called away due to 'incompetence on a moronic level' at St. Mungos. _Oh, the woes of being married to a successful Potions Master, who was revolutionizing the potions world._

The kids were excited enough to see what muggles keep in a zoo. They had rushed the stairs and got ready in a matter of minutes. Harry just wished he would have seen the warning signs that they were up to no good.

Sometimes, Harry wondered if Ethan was the reincarnation of his father or maybe Sirus. He would never tell that to Severus.

 _Bloody hell…_

The man would find a way to search the underworld if he even thought James or Sirus was in his son. Harry shuddered at the thought.

Harry had thought himself brave going to the muggle world without dragging Hermione with him. Severus would've muttered that it was the _Gryffindor_ in him. He figured he could wrangle his three. He had explained in depth to the children about the dangers of using magic in front of muggles, after all.

Apparently, that meant- do magic and see if you can get away with it….

So, here they were at a muggle zoo with his ' _little_ ' problem.

He had stepped away from the children leaving Ethan in charge to get them a snack. _Just a few feet, really._ He had turned around when the screams started.

Ethan and Lily stood in the middle of the foray with the biggest beautiful King Cobra, he had ever seen, and about a dozen other rainbow coloured snakes swarming at their feet. _Just fucking bloody hell._ He glanced around noticing the horde of mongoose snakes, crocodiles, tree frogs, and all sorts of reptiles heading towards the doors of the Reptile House.

Harry marched over to his 'angels' fury etched into his face. "Just _what_ do you think you're doing?" he hissed in a low whisper.

"Daddy, they wanted to be free. And Samuel wants to go home with me. Can't I keep him?" Lily smiled innocently, letting the cobra wrap around her arms and up to her shoulders.

Harry couldn't help but look incredulously at his daughter, the cobra, and Ethan. Ethan who was doing his best not to laugh. "Daddy, it was accidental magic. Lils didn't mean it," he said between snickers.

Harry moaned in frustration. _Accidental magic, his arse. At this rate, he was gonna have a bloody hell of time fucking convincing people that … no his little 'angel' was not a Dark Lord...er Lady. Was it too much to ask to have one fucking outing without something happening? Bloody hell, what a complete cock-up._

"Pumpkin, we can't...we can't...," Harry knelt, making sure not to step on any snakes and cleared his throat, "Honey, the zoo keeps him safe. We don't have any place to put him."

"But, Daddy," she whined, "He doesn't like it here." She glared at him, stomping her foot and earning a hiss in his direction.

Harry glared at the cobra and hissed at it to "shut up". He took a deep breath and prayed to Merlin to give him strength. W _ho would have thought that karma would bite him in the arse, today? This was his bloody fucking punishment for letting that snake go all those years ago._

He coughed and cleared his throat. He started to explain the why's; when he noticed something wasn't quite right.

 _Merlin's beard, where's William?_

He looked at Ethan then Lilly and back to Ethan confused.

"Ethan, where's your brother?"

Ethan looked down to the ground and started muttering. "I… I don't know," he whispered shrugging his shoulders.

Harry looked around and cursed. _Bloody hell-_ Severus will never let him live this down. He fucking lost his child.

"Well, where did you see him last?" Harry shouted frantically looking around the house pushing people out of his way. He could see the police starting to restrict the area off.

Harry cursed, frantically asking people if they had seen his boy. Ethan looked guiltily at Lily rushing over to his father. "Daddy… I might...um mm… kinda...transfigured … Will into a ...uh...uh…" he muttered, staring at the ground.

"Into _what,_ Ethan? Where is your brother?" Harry growled, trying to stay calm.

"A bench by the King Cobra exhibit."

Harry felt the colour drain from his face. _A_ _bench, a bloody bench_. He cursed rushing over to the exhibit. Ethan and Lily walking behind him shuffling their feet. Harry sat on the bench and pulled his children towards him. He glanced around before casting a disillusionment charm and apparated home.

They landed back in the drawing room. "Ethan, turn him back," Harry demanded, crossing his arms. Ethan looked at his father and knew they were in big trouble. He lifted his concealed wand and tried to remember the sequence.

The bench wavered and stretched and soon turned into a boy-well sort of. Will blinked and looked at his father and siblings. Ethan and Lily started snickering. Will had elephant ears and a pig nose.

A heated glare- a glare so fierce that all children knew was the ' _nothing will save_ _you_ ' look- complete with a fierce scowl, made them stop quickly. Harry knelt looking into his son's watery emerald eyes and ran a soothing hand through his lanky black hair.

" William, love, hold still," he murmured, waving his wand over William's features. Harry sighed with relief pulling William into a hug. _Thank Merlin and Morgana, nothing permanent._

Harry whirled around at the sound of shuffling feet tiptoeing out of the room. " _And, where do you think you two are going_?" he drawled, his voice going into the ' _you're in deep and you better pray_ ' octave.

"Well um mm…," they muttered, wringing their hands. They knew they were in deep. _Thank Merlin! Papa wasn't home._

"Ethan Harrison Potter-Snape, you should be ashamed of yourself. Getting your sister to set the snakes loose to disguise the fact that _you transfigured_ your brother! When I expressly forbade the use of magic! We will be dealing with an inquiry from the ministry, now," he admonished giving them both the ' _I'm so disappoint in you'_ look. "And you Lily Eileen Potter-Snape, have better control over your magic. You could've been seen by muggles! This is an underhand way to get a pet. You just stole from the London Zoo! I'm raising a _criminal_!"

Harry stared angrily at his defiant children, who were trying to look cowed. He knew better and he had the best punishment. Before, he could hand down his method of _torture_...er...disciplinary action, he heard laughter coming from the blasted snake.

Harry glowered and hissed at 'Samuel' threatening to turn him into potions ingredients. Lily looked just as horrified as the snake. _Well good._

" You two, will wash everything in this house the _muggle_ way including your father's cauldrons. _Absolutely no magic!"_ Harry inwardly smirked as he watched the horror dawn onto their faces. "While you clean, you can figure out how to explain this to your father when he returns. I won't save you!"

"But... Daddy..."

"But… but… Will, he..."

"That's enough," he demanded ushering them out the room into the kitchen to start their work. _Hopefully, this would teach them to appreciate things._

He could hear Kreacher's wailing. _Lovely, he would have to soothe the house elf._

 _Just why? What did he do to deserve this kind of karma?_

Harry never did see William's smirk as his father led him to the table for a treacle tart.


End file.
